Experience has been an amazing teacher. However, at the risk of being labeled sexist, photographing men and women are two completely different experiences.

I find it’s exponentially more important to be empathetic to women. In general, women tend to be considerably more self critical than men. I recognize this isn’t always true. However, in my 17+ years of doing this I’ve found its important to be more sensitive to the needs of women. Especially a women who’s having her portrait taken.

“This should be the responsibility of photographers today: To free women, and finally everyone from the terror of youth and perfection.”

Peter Lindbergh

This. Equally important, how do you do it?

Understand and recognize everyone has insecurities — especially women

Women — in general — are much more anxious about having their photo taken. Understand this can be the case and learn to be empathic.

I’ve had the good fortune of photographing some stunningly beautiful women. It never ceases to amaze me the imperfections these same stunning women see in themselves. I’m talking about issues that would need to be zoomed in 300% (or more) to see.

I never wanted to believe the notion that society demands perfection out of women. Nevertheless, I can tell you many women put the pressure of perfection on themselves, often unfairly. Rather than fight it, recognize and understand it’s there and be empathetic.

I’ve had the good fortune of photographing some stunningly beautiful women in the last 17 years. It never ceases to amaze how even the most beautiful women will find flaws in themselves.

Empathy: [ em-puh-thee ] “the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.”

Three simple tips that’ll help you be relatable and empathetic to your female clients for the best results

1. Break the ice with some humor

Have some one liners ready to put your client at ease right from the jump. I want to get across the importance of posing correctly. When we begin, I’ll often say to a female client the following;

“Before we get started, the one thing no women has ever said to me in my entire career is ‘Hey Darren, is there any way you can add 10 pounds to me in this photo?’ I’ve yet to hear a woman say that.”

You don’t need to use that line, however for me, it breaks the ice and lets my client know my studio and working with me is a “safe place.” Further, I can almost feel the tension break and see the weight come off her shoulders once she understands I’m empathetic and experienced in working with women.

2. Reassure her that whatever imperfections she sees in herself, the majority are fixable/correctable in Photoshop

If you’ve successfully broken the ice, most women will reveal her insecurities right away. Nikon ambassador and wedding photographer Cliff Mautner often refers to this aspect of photographing women as “gaining her trust.”

If you let your client see one or two of their images, if she’s comfortable with you and trusts you, she’ll come right out and tell you what concerns her most about her appearance. These revelations can run the gamut as she might see something in herself that you — and most others — simply won’t see. These insecurities can range from;

  • “My arms look fat”
  • “this dress makes my butt look big”
  • “I really hate my double chin”
  • “My hair looks flat/frizzy/off today”
  • “can you fix fat rolls?”
  • “I hate my makeup”
  • “Dear god, I didn’t do my nails”

3. Don’t laugh! Try to be an empathetic, nonjudgmental listener

As trivial as some of these insecurities may seem to you, rest assured, they are important to her. I admit, it’s tempting to say something like “you’re crazy!” or “I don’t think anyone will notice.” But don’t say it!

Always, always, always, have an empathetic response first. A simple nod of understanding goes a long way. Reverting to humor once again, I often quip that “I’m a digital plastic surgeon and therapist. I can fix anything.”

As silly as you might think some of women’s hang ups are, don’t laugh. Always, always, always, take the empathetic path first.

Succeed in providing a comfortable, fun environment and referrals will flow in!

Speaking from experience, the more comfortable women are in your studio, word will spread about how easy and fun you are to work with. I can’t tell you how many women call the studio and say “I understand you’re a digital plastic surgeon?” Word about your services will spread like wildfire.

These tips apply to men, too

Empathy needs to apply to all of your clients, but I’ve found that I am more able to have frank discussions with men. As I’m sure female photographers probably feel more comfortable having frank discussions with their female clients. Likewise, as I mentioned earlier in the article, these tips are guidelines and obviously don’t apply to all or only female clients.

“A portrait is not made in the camera but on either side of it.”

Edward Steichen

So, in summary …

  • Break the ice with humor
  • Be empathetic about insecurities female clients have about themselves
  • As temping as it may be to laugh at a female client’s insecurities, don’t do it!
  • Create a fun, comfortable environment and the referrals will flow in!
Empathy is everything. Listen and understand what your female client’s concerns are.

Sound off in the comments below! What have been your experiences in the differences between photographing men and women?